5 Worthless Things I Learned During This Election Campaign
Posted by Frederic Desjardins in Vancouver
It’s crazy, after weeks of tense anticipation, I sat down in my living room to read about the elections. And by election I mean the Canadian elections , (not the American elections which are, by the way, far more entertaining than our own) and by tense anticipation I mean I was hoping one candidate would accidentally quote Stalin, or perhaps be seen sporting a visible erection. Assuming, of course none, of them suffers from erectile dysfunction. Neither of those things happened (though I am analyzing all the material I can get) because, as it turns out, the election campaign was carefully planned to the letter by operatives on all sides to make sure that, above all, nothing embarrassing would occur. On the Harper side, they figured the best way was to just make sure that virtually no real campaigning and/or occurred, either.
1. Harper doesn’t talk much
Harper called for election saying the Conservatives are better equipped to deal with governing during a downturn. Harper’s depicted himself as a Captain of a boat that will lead us through the storm that is the economic downturn to the shore of prosperity. We are in the F@#$% storm and Captain Harper is mute.
This is the first time I have really paid some attention to those squiggly lines on the independent voter torture table. DARN! The uncommitted voters of Quebec do not like this Stephen Harper character. The only time we’ve seen a real happy response to Harper was when he was talking very generally (and quite well) about his daughter’s piano skills. And then he had to snarl and accuse Dion of “talking down” the economy, and then his own popularity went down . What does it mean?
2. Stephane Dion’s Campaign and Economic Policy are Powered by Some Kind Of Green Shit …ooooops sorry I meant Shift
Liberal Leader Stephane Dion said today that his Green Shift plan featuring a controversial carbon tax is not a major part of his election platform. It’s kind of funny how Liberal pundits or strategists or whatever try incessantly to ease the voter “tax” fear to steal tory votes.
3. Jack Layton still has a moustache … and a … turban!
Seriously, what was up with that super boring Jack Layton guy? He’s suppose to call Harper a Nazi pal, and then Harper was supposed to say “Hey man that is just wrong” and rip off Layton’s moustaches and use them in a salad used to feed Lloyd Robertson on National News, which is precisely how an pro-elite like Harper is supposed to confront a grizzled working class hero in a Town Hall. Instead we got a lot of respectful disagreement, which is dull. Sure, some of the reactions are bad enough. But witness this election’s sad collection of headlines.
4. Alarmist Elizabeth May should resume her environmental activist career
She said, “We are too close to the edge of the global apocalypse,” May said in an interview. “We have got to grab the opportunities we have. And, clearly, the contribution Canadians can make to a global solution is to get rid of Stephen Harper.”
5. Harper drinks pepsi tories’ biker chick Says
It’s not surprising that a hot babe like Julie Couillard, the former girlfriend of the former foreign affairs minister Maxime Bernier is the talk of our national capital.
Couillard’s new book
The hot babe relives …
“[...] the most momentous times in her life: the happy years spent with Hells Angels sympathizer Gilles Giguère and the cruel aftermath of his 1996 murder; her brief but tumultuous marriage to Stéphane Sirois, a reformed member of the Rockers biker gang, who after their divorce turned police informant; and her close-up view of the corridors of power in the months during which she was romantically linked to Foreign Affairs Minister Maxime Bernier.”
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